Una torre, un espejo…
29/09/08
Me siento como la jodida Lady of Shallot… Alone in a damn fucking impregnable tower, with only a magic mirror to look at and a window overlooking a grim panorama. And I don’t know what’s worse, the fact I feel like a squeamish girl of the fact that I am so coward I’m writing in English hoping some people won’t be able to understand me… I don’t want them to know how I feel; I don’t dare to let my feelings go. I mean, really, why? There’s no use… Is there any good in showing your feelings to someone that so blatantly avoids you? I really don’t understand the situation. They give me the push and yet it seems I feel better that them? Hello… I am the only one thinking there’s something terribly wrong there? Really, like the Lady of Shallot. Climb down the tower, try to live a little and you’ll suffer the maximum penance. Stay, and you’ll slowly languish, seeing the world pass over you. It’s not fair… whatever you try, whatever the outcome, you’ll fail. Why then should I keep trying? No one, I repeat, no one, in the end, has given me reasons enough to keep going. And yet here you have me, prey again of my pettiness, of my own blindfolding and my illusions… I frankly thought this day will never come; I’m starting to think that fairytales do not exist, that there’s no damsel in distress nor valiant knight in shiny armor to rescue her. The first kiss is not magical anymore, it does not stop time nor sends your body flying over the clouds. Resuming, I, my friends, have lost faith. I am tired… tired to always take the first step, tired to be the only one to receive the slap in the face. By know I should have a hand-shaped tattoo, and plenty of scars in my heart. Tired also to always have reason and tired to never see what’s so obvious to others. And especially damn tired to always be the “good guy”. I hate being good but don’t dare to be otherwise. I know that, if I let myself loose there’ll be no end to it… I can’t, but want, and nonetheless won’t. I am, in the end, tired of fighting. I give in… whoever you are, whoever is challenging me, you’ve won.
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